I'm retired from racing. Really.

April 23, 2018

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Location:

Greenville,SC,

Member Since:

Feb 24, 2007

Gender:

Male

Goal Type:

Other

Running Accomplishments:

I also maintain a blogspot running blog. Check it out. 

5k- 16:01, 1/2 marathon- 1:11:37, marathon- 2:34:16, 50k- 3:58, 100 mile- 15:19

Former World Record holder in 100 x 5k relay 

Ultra history:

8-100 mile, 1-100k, 9-50 mile, 2-40 mile, 14-50k-ish

12 wins, 5 CR's, plus four 2nd, five 3rd, 4th, 4th, 5th, 5th, 9th, 16th, 20th, 28th, 38th, and 62nd place, with 1 DNF 

Short-Term Running Goals:

Goals 

None for now

Long-Term Running Goals:

Unretire at some point

Run a sub-6 hr 50 miler

Win a 100 mile ultramarathon

Personal:

I have five cute kids. And I have some rockin short green racing shorts- I wear them mainly because it embarrasses my wife so much. I like ultimate frisbee, trail running, reading, and cheering for the Denver Broncos!   And I have the absolute best wife in the world.  And I used to run for the now-disbanded national Team Pearl Izumi- Ultra!

Favorite Blogs:

Miles:This week: 0.00 Month: 42.00 Year: 401.50
XT Wings 3 Lifetime Miles: 235.00
Fastwitch Lifetime Miles: 82.50
Peak Lifetime Miles: 282.00
Trail N1 Lifetime Miles: 86.50
Road N1 Lifetime Miles: 31.00
Stinson Lifetime Miles: 541.50
Fuel 2 (road) Lifetime Miles: 463.50
Trail M2 2 Black Lifetime Miles: 343.50
Trail M2 3 Lifetime Miles: 395.10
Trail N2 2 Orange Lifetime Miles: 237.50
Road M3 Black And Blue Lifetime Miles: 458.00
Road M2 3 Orange Lifetime Miles: 86.00
Easy MilesMarathon Pace MilesThreshold MilesVO2 Max MilesCrosstraining milesTotal Miles
0.000.000.000.003.003.00

AM- had to do something physical as I'm going stir crazy not running. Did 30 min bike plus a lot of stretching my back.

I've taken to not publishing my blog posts recently. I'm composing and saving all of them, just never publishing. No one on the FRB has noticed yet, or at least no one has commented on my almost 4 week absence other than my mom. Just an interesting data point.

I'm not one to maintain regular contact with friends who move away. I'm finding I feel rather alone most of the time these days with almost no one to honestly talk to. I've run with people for most of my life, till recently. Now, I don't run at all due to injury, and pre-injury, I did every run solo. I've run thousands of miles with Todd, Jim, and Aaron, but they all left the company in the past few months, so no lunch work runs with them. The openness and cameraderie of running buddies is completely gone. I love my 3 days a week of frisbee (probably the highlight of my week), but you don't get the hours of open talking like during a nice run.

Work is rather stressful right now with lots of layoffs, forced retirements, and voluntary departures (I work for GE- look in the news if you want to guess the overall company morale). I try to not bring work stress home with me and be a drag on my family, so I don't really share much with my wife. Most of the people on my team are in other locations, so there's no one close to talk to here. The guy in the cube next to me is one of the few people I talk to about how we are feeling with work stress- we share thoughts and articles back and forth fairly regularly. Today, however, he said he was going to give me unsolicited feedback, then told me I've been  too much of a Negative Nelly with all the bad news and asked me to stop. So, I will- no more sharing feelings with him. It's pretty amazing that you can work in an office with hundreds of people yet sometimes go the entire day speaking to no one. Yet I'm working long hours, late- often till 8 or 9 pm. But still alone.

I feel like everyone has thoughts and feelings about work, stress, life, etc., and that we need somewhere to process/discuss/share them. More and more, though, I don't feel like I have anyplace to open up. The few people I can open up to have mostly left. I don't want to burden my wife. I've been struggling with depression for a number of years. I feel alone most of the time but then push away people. It's an interesting situation. I enjoy talking to people but feel like there's no one to talk to, no one who is interested.

Some may say that I'm being self-centered. I just need to stop looking inward and go help others. Probably a fair statement. Hard to do when you feel isolated, shut out, unwanted. Maybe I'm having a mid-life crisis and reverted to being a teenager with all their feelings of isolation.

I think the FRB is a reflection of my life and feelings- I used to have lots of real-life friends who were also on the FRB. There was lots of blog commenting. Now we've all moved apart, and the blogging and commenting has petered out. I don't know the last time I saw a FRB-er in real life, especially since Cody left FRB. 3 years, maybe, when I saw jtshad? Heck, even James and Allie just moved- I never saw them, but at least they were near. If I run or not, there's no one to know other than me. I'm not one for social media, but external encouragement can help.

In Utah, I had a lot of coworkers I was close to and we honestly talked. Here, only a couple, but the talking is very intermitent. Life can be lonely.

I'm not sure if I'll publish this or not. If I do, I'm not sure if I really want anyone to read it, or if anyone will. It's kind of a stream-of-consciousness post, I guess. I saw that Rob Murphy was having a rough day, though he didn't go into details. I think most of us struggle some or most of the time with all sorts of doubts/insecurities/trials, but we generally try to maintain a stoic, strong outer shell. I guess my shell cracked a bit today and a little of the truth leaked out.

Weight: 0.00
Comments
From Bret on Tue, Mar 20, 2018 at 17:42:43 from 107.77.94.85

I read your blog today Jon - in fact I read it most days. I don’t post too many comments but I really enjoy reading about you and your family and your ultimate frisbee games but especially the posts about the aggressive turkeys. :). Sorry you are going through a rough time lately. Sometimes I am reminded about a short piece called “so I went for a run.” Anyway - I think we are not too far from each other geographically. - when you heal up - I would love to go for a run. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.runnersworld.com/fun/so-i-went-for-a-run%3famp

From Jason D on Tue, Mar 20, 2018 at 18:30:23 from 73.144.91.168

I noticed that you hadn't posted in a while, but I am always hesitant to ask people given that it might be personal (since I don't really know anyone on the blog), whether it is injuries or other life stuff.

The problem with depression is that it tends to produce the very conditions that make it worse. For example, you note not seeking out friends or you push them away and isolate yourself. This tends to heighten feelings of aloneness and depression (alcohol has the same problem of heightening or intensifying the conditions of depression, but I know you don't drink). This is not a criticism of your behavior, as I do the very same thing and its a fairly typical issue (though no less serious for being typical).

It seems that friends outside of work would be the best bet (and it is hard making friends as an adult I think), but it sounds like much of your time is spent at work and therefore your meaningful friendships have been forged and and take place there or near there (the GE trail, e.g.). However, these friendships/outlets have been closed off for the reasons you mention above. Do I have this right?

It's possible your co-worker is trying not to think about (potentially deny) the situation though I do not know this person or the full context of the situation.

Can you connect with people who share a religious affiliation? You're a reader, how might you connect with people who share similar interests?

I've lately been seriously considering taking up my longtime (since childhood) dream of starting martial arts, but I worry I will put myself at risk of injury and miss out on my running.

From Vis on Tue, Mar 20, 2018 at 21:33:00 from 170.72.4.175

Jon--I don't know you other than checking your blog once in a while. But your post resonated with me. Humans are pack animals. We need people and at least someone to love us enough to let us blow off steam. I hope writing this post helped. Thanks for publishing it.

From jtshad on Wed, Mar 21, 2018 at 07:20:52 from 141.221.191.225

Sorry for not commenting recently, though I do check you blog regularly. I did notice you had not posted, thought is was work/family related and noticed your foot issue.

Very deep post, please realize you do have friends and people you can trust and talk to. Life is a matter of balance with lots going on especially as you get older with more responsibilities (family, work) and increased stresses at both.

Lots of guys (since I am one) have some of the same feelings issues that you expressed, me included. There are guys here, and as Jason indicated reaching out to local guys in a trusting relationship is helpful but tough to find as we do not open up much. I have been engaged in a men's study at church for the past 22 weeks on Authentic Manhood which has been good and a good way to find other guys struggling with life issues. Let's chat, men need other men to talk to!

From Rob Murphy on Wed, Mar 21, 2018 at 08:22:52 from 163.248.33.220

Sometimes things just hum along nicely. You get in a predictable routine, friends you can count on, work/life balance more or less in harmony, life's stresses seem manageable, and then it all gets disrupted. Something throws a wrench into the whole thing.

Introspection is good. You have to be able to look inward and discern what you need for both the short and long term. Sometimes I have to slow down and ask myself "what do I need right now"? Sometimes it's as simple as grabbing my baseball glove and playing catch in the yard with Andy for 15 minutes. Hard to feel bad about anything when I'm doing that. Sometimes it's a 24 hour solo getaway which my wife is great about letting me do every now and then.

It seems like you have a pretty good handle on things Jon. I think you'll be ok. Let me know if you want to meet halfway for a run. I'd be willing to fly to Kansas City, split a room, buy you dinner, and try out some of those epic Kansas City trails.

From Rob Murphy on Wed, Mar 21, 2018 at 08:24:08 from 163.248.33.220

Just throwing Kansas City out there randomly. Could be anywhere.

Also, have you read Sebastian Junger's book "Tribe"?

From Jon on Wed, Mar 21, 2018 at 20:42:05 from 96.33.86.208

Hey guys, thanks for the comments. Bret, I enjoyed that So I went for a run- never seen it before. Things are generally worse when I'm not regularly running due to injury, like now- I think most of us are that way.

Jason, yes, lots of meaningful friendships are over due to people moving, etc. I need to find new friends- we all want friends, just need to reach out. I hope you do start martial arts!

Jeff, I'm going to call- I want to hear about this church study group of yours.

Rob, I've never heard of that book. I've just added it to my book list at the library.

From Martin on Sun, Mar 25, 2018 at 11:26:08 from 77.176.165.232

Jon, I like your openness! But I have to be careful since I don´t know if I understand everything the right way. Everyone´s weak in his or her own way and I don´t think it is a weakness to tell about it.

Life balance changes with just small influences. Even one word or gesture can have huge effects. For me, I´m trying to give my best daily. One part of it is sport/running. It helps me being a better person also.

I hope you will find your way to feel better soon!

Martin

From Nic on Mon, Mar 26, 2018 at 19:59:37 from 66.91.141.150

Jon - It sounds to me like you need a vacation to Hawaii. Come to Kauai and we can hang out. I don't look at other peoples blogs a lot but I'm glad I saw this today. I think we are pretty similar. I have struggled with anxiety and depression. A few years ago I was laid off. It was really hard. I packed up my stuff at the office went home and put on my running shoes and went for a long run. I know with your injuries you can't do that and sometimes it's hard to find the motivation. I hope you can heal physically and get back to some running. In the past when you were competing and writing all those reports it seemed like you were pretty happy. Anyways it would be cool to meet someday. Maybe you can get a job at the PMRF missile base on Kauai and move here.

From allie on Tue, Mar 27, 2018 at 13:24:17 from 73.97.187.130

late to arrive, but just wanted to add that i visit and read often, i've just stopped commenting almost entirely. FRB is very different than it used to be with the community & conversation element mostly gone.

then again, you read posts like this and you see all the people who are still out there. :)

i'm sorry you are feeling this way, and believe me, i can relate. one of the biggest reasons why we decided to move when we did was because i was having a really rough go in atlanta -- feeling lonely, isolated, and too far away from the life that gives me...life. that's not to say a move is the magic cure, just that i understand and hope you can find those deeper connections and friendships you seek (which i agree are very important, but seemingly harder to find after college/early career days).

anyway, thanks for sharing and i hope writing it out was helpful for you. it appears from above you have a lot of people who care about you -- e-friends definitely count! 99% of my friends are e-friends 99% of the year.

when we first moved to ATL, you left a few comments here and there about race suggestions and general enthusiasm for the SE. that helped a lot to feel like i had at least one connection (from an original blogger, no less!). we ended up leaving with a whopping two SE connections -- jon and bret. :)

wishing you the best, and i especially hope that everything with your job and the stress related to that is eventually resolved with a positive outcome.

From Jon on Mon, Apr 02, 2018 at 07:29:28 from 165.156.40.22

Nic, Hawaii sure sounds nice. If I make it out there again, I'll drop you a note.

Allie, you missed out by never visiting Greenville. It's a gem. If you're ever in the area, I'll give you and James the grand tour.

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